MBA
by Fuuma
Summary: What do you do to protect a species of one (Mokona)?


MBA  
  
  


Umi Ryuuzaki stared up into the auditorium's domed ceiling. She didn't think there were such things on Cephiro. However, one thing _was_ on her mind. 

"Hikaru, what the heck am I supposed to do here?" 

"You'll see, Umi-chan," was all Hikaru Shidou said. 

"Please bear with us for a while, Umi-san." 

Fuu Hououji's perpetual smile somehow seemed disturbing to Umi this time around. 

"What are these two planning?" Umi wondered. 

"Oh, I see Presea-san made it as well," Fuu noted as the supreme Pharle of Cephiro made her entrance. 

"Fuu, why did you call me here?" Presea inquired. "You _know_ I have a lot to do in my workshop..." 

"Sumimasen, Presea-san. But today's activity will be well worth it, I assure you," Fuu replied. 

"Ascot, will you stop it! Where are you taking me?" 

"Good job, Ascot!" Hikaru thanked the young Bal. "You managed to get Caldina here on time." 

"Hikaru, are you sure this is all right?" 

"Yup! We have to do this for their own good." 

"Do what for our 'own good'?" Umi asked with a deeply skeptical look on her face. 

"Oh, it's almost time to start. Umi-san, Presea-san and Caldina-san will have to get ready now," declared Fuu enthusiastically. 

"Get ready for what?" the three ladies asked in unison. 

"Now Umi-chan, you'll go on stage first, then Presea and Caldina." 

"I'm not getting on stage until someone tells me what's going on," Umi huffed. 

"Same here," Caldina seconded. 

"I was afraid this would happen. Hikaru-san, could you and Ascot-san help me with Umi-san?" Fuu requested. 

"Hey! Stop pushing me! Fuu, Hikaru, Ascot, what do you think you're doing?" Umi blurted out as the three forced her up to the stage. 

"Gomen, Umi-chan. But this is for your own good." 

"What is it with you guys today?! 'Own good,' my butt..." 

Ascot found it difficult not to be embarassed by hearing Umi's less than lady-like diction. "Umi, I'm afraid I have to make you do this." 

"Please calm down, Umi-san. It will all make sense in a few minutes," Fuu's gently smiling countenance reassured her. 

"It'd better..." 

"Looks like everyone's here," Hikaru said as she saw the once vacant seats occupied. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you to the first meeting of Mokona Bashers Anonymous," Hikaru stated authoritatively into the waiting microphone. 

"What?! I'm not some sort of addict who needs a twelve-step program to kick a habit! You can't do this to me! I'm rich!" ranted Umi. 

"What have I gotten myself into," Presea said to herself as she shook her head. 

"No wonder they wouldn't tell us what they were up to," Caldina sighed. 

Hikaru turned to Umi and whispered, "Umi-chan, now all you have to do is read this, and say it out loud." 

Umi put off her grumbling long enough to look at the script written in Hikaru's own whimsical handwriting. 

"You don't really expect me to say this, do you?" Umi glared at Hikaru. 

"Please, Umi-san. You'll thank us for this later," said Fuu as she saw Hikaru wither under Umi's gaze. 

"Why me?" Umi mumbled to herself. At Hikaru's prodding, she stepped up to the mike. "Um, my name is Umi and I'm a Mokona basher," Umi told those in attendance. 

The audience started to clap in earnest even as Umi felt a bead of sweat form on the back of her head. 

"See, Umi-san? That wasn't so hard, was it?" Fuu asked cheerfully. 

Turning her back to the audience, Umi looked at Fuu and said, "Fuu, when we get back to Tokyo, I'm gonna find out where you live; then I'm gonna send some yakuza to teach you a lesson!" 

"My, I've never met yakuza before," Fuu thought absent-mindedly. "Oh, Presea-san, you're next," Fuu called out with a slight giggle. 

"Oh, I give up," Umi relented with a sigh. 

"Hikaru, I can't believe you'd make me do this..." Presea protested as she handed the script over to her. 

"Presea-san, you have a problem that needs to be addressed before your peers," Fuu calmly told the Pharle. 

"What problem?" Presea said with her hands up in the air. 

"This doesn't look good, Fuu-chan. Isn't denial an indication of a deep-seated problem?" Hikaru asked Fuu. 

"'Deep-seated problem'?! Forget Mokona, I'm gonna hurt you!" Presea suddenly snapped at Hikaru. "I'll boil you in in oil, no, turn you into an over-sized pincushion..." she ranted. 

"Ferio, Rafaga-san, could you please help control Presea-san?" 

"Whatever you say Fuu," replied Ferio with a slight grunt as he encountered considerable resistance from Presea before Rafaga reached her. 

After a little encouragement from Ferio and Rafaga, she somehow managed to say, "My name is Presea and I'm a Mokona basher." 

"Puu puu," came a by-now familiar voice. 

"Mokona?" echoed Umi and Presea. 

"Yes. Mokona-san is here so that you may better understand the root of your desire to harm it." 

"What's to understand? It's just so annoying!" Umi screamed as she prepared to strike with her trusty mallet. 

"Now, now, Umi-chan," chided Hikaru. "Didn't you read the sign?" 

"What sign?" 

"That one over there," Hikaru pointed out to the side of the stage. 

It read: No Mallets Allowed. 

"Ooh, this is intolerable!" Umi griped. 

"I'll be happy to take care of this for you, Umi-san," Fuu volunteered, taking the contraband item out of Umi's hands. "How does she manage to carry this around with her all the time?" Fuu asked herself as she hefted Umi's mallet to a safe place away from Mokona. 

"Puu puu puu," Mokona said in glee as it hopped around Umi. 

"Stop gloating, you miserable excuse of a Hello Kitty wannabe." 

Meanwhile, certain audience members were particularly interested in what was happening on stage. 

"Sang Yun, I want one of those fluffy white things," demanded Asuka. 

"But Asuka-sama, I think that's the only one there is," replied a worried Sang Yun. 

"I don't care. IwantitIwantitIwantit!" she pouted. 

"Asuka-sama! Remember, we are guests here on Cephiro; please behave accordingly." 

"Shut up old man!" Asuka snapped back at Chang An. 

"What I don't understand is why they're wasting time talking about people who pick on that white thing instead of something important: Why doesn't Lantis like me?" cried out a certain hopelessly smitten pixie. 

Back on stage, Fuu was asking Caldina a few questions: 

"Caldina-san, when did you first feel like hitting Mokona-san?" 

"Me? I've never hit poor widdle Mokona," Caldina spoke as she tried to put on her best innocent-looking smile. "See? Mokona likes me!" she said as she grabbed Mokona to give it a smothering hug. 

"But you offered to help Presea when she wanted to punish Mokona," Hikaru objected. "If you don't want to end up like Umi-chan and Presea, you'll have to stop doing things like that." 

"'End up like'? Are we wanted criminals now?!" Umi demanded. 

"Please restrain yourself Umi-san, or I'l have to call Ferio and Rafaga-san again." 

Now turning her attention to Presea, Fuu asked, "Presea-san, would it be fair to say that you dislike Mokona-san?" 

"You _could_ say that," came her icy reply. 

"Why?" Hikaru jumped in. 

"Because it messes up my study! I do very important work and I do not need that, that **thing** to make it harder than it already is," answered an exasperated Presea. 

"But isn't it true that you like punishing people, and not just Mokona-san?" 

"What are you implying?" 

"You mean Presea feels good after being mean to other people?" Hikaru asked Fuu. 

"Remember when we first met Presea-san? She was going to punish us like she would Mokona-san," cited Fuu. 

"I was not! For one thing, your ears don't stretch as much as Mokona's," Presea countered. 

"But still you were going to punish us, and it looked like you were enjoying yourself..." Hikaru recalled. 

"How was I supposed to know you were the Magic Knights?" 

"Well enough about Presea-san for now," Fuu said as she checked her notes. "Umi-san, why do _you_ dislike Mokona-san?" 

"Correction, Fuu. I do not _dislike_ Mokona. I HATE Mokona!" Umi ranted as she gazed upon Mokona with eyes fit to kill. 

"Would you care to elaborate as to the cause of such intense hatred for another living thing?" 

"Mokona never hangs around when we get into a fight. It always has that dopey smile on its face, even when we're all busted up. And another thing is..." 

"But didn't Mokona help us by providing food and shelter?" Hikaru interrupted. 

"And I suppose it helped us when it didn't just let us fly on that winged contraption instead of walking all over Cephiro," Umi replied with unbridled sarcasm. 

"Umi-chan, Mokona wouldn't do a thing like that. She's very sweet, cuddly and loveable," declared Hikaru as she cradled Mokona in her arms. 

"Since when is Mokona a 'she'?" Umi challenged Hikaru. 

"Umi-san has a point, Hikaru-san. We have never ascertained Mokona-san's gender," Fuu said as her glasses reflected the glare of the spotlight. 

"Yeah, Hikaru," Umi turned to her as she spoke, "Is Mokona male or female?" 

"Hmm," Hikaru said as she pondered over the question at hand. "I don't know either," she answered as Umi and Fuu fell flat on their faces. 

"Well, maybe we should ask Mokona how she feels about all this," Hikaru suggested. 

"That's a good idea, Hikaru-san," agreed Fuu. 

"Excuse me, but since when can we speak Mokonese?" Umi inquired of her fellow Magic Knights. 

"Don't worry, Umi-chan. I can translate for Mokona!" Hikaru chimed in with a smile. 

"All right, then let us begin. Mokona-san, have you ever felt like you were being abused by Umi-san or Presea-san?" 

"Puu pu puu, puu puu PUU," replied Mokona. 

"Mokona said she feels hurt whenever Umi or Presea try to hit her. She feels like they don't care about her," Hikaru translated. 

"You got all that out of 'Puu pu puu, puu puu PUU'?" Umi cried out in disbelief. 

"Wah, you actually remembered what Mokona said, Umi-chan!" Hikaru cried out with glee, even allowing her feline side to show. 

Mokona continued, "Puu puu puu, pu pu puu pu puu." 

"She said that Umi-chan is very mean to her. She says things that scare Mokona. Like saying she'll eat Mokona," Hikaru interpreted, finding it hard to hold back the tears. 

"I don't believe this is happening." 

"Puu puu puu, pu pu pu puu..." 

Umi couldn't take it any longer. Mallet or no mallet, she was going to HURT Mokona. She brought out her eskudo sword and willed her armor to change its form. 

"Ceres!" 

"Kyaaa!" Hikaru cried out as Umi's Mashin appeared. "Umi-chan, what are you doing?" 

"Mokona is going to **DIE! MWAHAHAHAHA!**" came Umi's maniacal laugh as she joined with her Mashin. 

"Take that and that," she yelled as Mokona tried to flee from Ceres' stomping feet. 

"PUU PUU!" Mokona cried in terror. 

"Umi, this is a most reprehensible use of a Mashin," Guru Clef said. 

"Shut up, short-stuff!" 

"Umi-chan, don't wreck the stage! We're not finished yet!" 

"I don't care! The marshmallow with feet dies NOW!" 

All the while a huge drop of sweat formed on Fuu's forehead. She worked her way to the microphone and faced what remained of the audience. 

"Gomen nasai, mina-sama," Fuu apologized as the auditorium fell to pieces. "This concludes the first meeting of Mokona Bashers Anonymous." 

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